Let's recap. I had a consultation for laser eye surgery with Optimax on Monday.
At that time I was pretty sure I wanted the epi-LASEK procedure (involves no cutting of the cornea, instead an alcohol solution is used in order to move the epithelium aside).
I was told I was eligible for either epi-LASEK or LASIK, and my chances of having 20/20 vision after surgery was around the 95% mark. So why haven't I booked my surgery already?
Well, first off, my friend who had epi-LASEK late last year is currently investigating whether he needs to have re-treatment, and has to wait 3 months to see if his vision has improved from the -0.50/-0.75 or so that it is now. As far as I am concerned, this is not great. This has put me off slightly.
Also, my gut instinct, my women's intuition, the feeling in my water... whatever you want to call it...was not giving me a good feeling. I'm not talking about psychic feelings here, I'm talking common sense alarm bells that something just wasn't right. I'm sure he is a perfectly brilliant doctor but do I trust him with my eyesight? I'm not so sure.
So... today I have booked a free consultation with Ultralase at their Chelmsford clinic.
First impressions of the company are excellent. I completed a form online for them to give me a call to book a consultation and a really nice man phoned and talked me through everything: Whether I have any medical conditions that mean surgery would not be an option, how long the consultation will take, the fact that they'll put in blurry eye drops, the fact that I won't be able to drive home. He was very thorough, very friendly and I'm already impressed.
Ultralase are much more expensive. But what price do you put on your vision, or even, your peace of mind?
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Optimax consultation
Here's what happened. (Imagine this like a movie, where I'm played by Keira Knightley, only with a slightly less posh accent, and more meat on my bones, and with blonde hair...oh and I'm also wearing glasses. Goodness it's like you were there with me!)
5.15 Arrive
What does the Optimax laser eye surgery place look like? I think I'm expecting a standard doctor's surgery but I'm greeted by a room filled with comfortable-looking chairs, with a few doors and corridors off it and a long reception desk.
Immediately the receptionist has me over at a little computer in the corner of the room filling out a health questionnaire - am I on any medication, do I have any allergies and then I scan through options and tick boxes that apply to me. These are things like do I have a family history of glaucoma, have I ever had a heart attack, am I epileptic, etc. etc. A few of them I tick yes to: yes I have hayfever, yes I am due to have surgery soon (having a mole removed). Worryingly it says at the top of the list that any ticks might mean I'm unable to have the surgery.
Once I've finished I go and tell the receptionist and she then leads me off to have some tests done. I sit at three machines in turn and have to stare straight ahead and try not to blink. It's quite hard not blinking when all you can think about is not blinking. Mostly I tried to blink a bit before what I thought was the crucial time - but two of the tests she needed to repeat quickly so I was probably rubbish at predicting when the crucial time was! One of the tests was also one I'd read about where a puff of air is blown into your eye. Even though I knew it was coming it still made me jump the first time.
After that the show really started. I guess the time now is about:
5.30
The doctor comes out and calls me in. He's short, not of English origin and wearing a suit. I couldn't tell exactly where he was from, not that it matters of course. I enter the room.
First impression is that he's a typical, professional, no-nonsense doctor. On the one hand you could say he is abrubt, with poor beside manner I suppose. But on the other - and this is my experience with most doctors - he's just doing his job and he isn't there to hold my hand or make me feel at ease. He's not a salesman. If he were, if he was sitting me down asking how I am and am I ready to change the way I view the world and make my life ten times better?... I'd be running out the door right now.
He does some standard tests you get with glasses or contacts - looking at my eye, my prescription etc. He asks if I brought an old prescription along and I give him my old glasses which he goes off to measure to get the prescription.
When he comes back he puts drops to numb my eyes and then uses this instrument to measure the depth of my cornea. To do this he puts something against my eyeball for a few seconds. It's weird to have a numb eye - my eyelid feels kind of bouncy when it closes. Then he puts yellow dye in my eyes to have a look at their health through the microscope.
Next we go through my health form and I discover that my hayfever is not a problem, my upcoming surgery won't make a difference. Then he tells me that from his tests he can tell me that I am a candidate for either epi-LASEK or LASIK laser eye surgery. He asks if I know the difference between the two and I nod and say that it's basically the start of the procedure flap cutting with one, alcohol solution removal with the other. He nods as if he can tell I'm 'one of those ones that does their research' and asks which I prefer.
I say that epi-LASEK appeals more because of the lower risk factor. He then tells me that it is a surgery and as such can never be 100% guaranteed or safe. In my prescription case he tells me that there is a 95% chance I should have 20/20 vision. He informs me that when I reach 45 or so, I will need glasses for short distance again, as do the majority of people who have good eyesight for most of their lives.
I ask him about night vision problems. He tells me that my pupils are actually on the smaller size of normal so this is unlikely to be a problem for me. I say that while 20/20 vision is important, I also do not want to lose any contrast sensitivity. I ask if Wavefront would lessen the chances of this. He tells me that if this is not a problem now, it is unlikely to be a problem after surgery, and because the shape of my eye is pretty much average Wavefront is unlikely to make much difference to me. I ask about how long before I'm comfortable at a computer and he tells me it will depend on my personal recovery - most people can be fine after about a week to ten days but others can be more.
Mostly I get the impression from him that it's impossible to predict exact times. Every case is different in the pain threshold / speed of recovery etc.
After this we get to the fun part - where I get the pupil enlarging drops in my eyes. He tells me this is so he can view inside my eye. It feels fine for a few minutes but once he turns the lights back on after looking through the microscope at me I realise my close vision is a little blurred. Lights have also started to be a little bright.
He asks if I have any more questions and as we've covered all the ones I could think of I say no. And that's it, I'm done and dusted. The receptionist asks if I'd like to make a booking, I ask her to write a few available dates down at the end of May / early June as I need to check with work for booking a week off that will be followed by a few quiet days.
It's about 6.20 at this point and I walk back to the car with my boyfriend. The lights are hurting my eyes and my long distance and very close vision is blurry so there's no way I'd be able to drive. I start to wonder how weird it would be actually having surgery. I decide I have to give myself a few days to let everything sink in before I make a decision.
5.15 Arrive
What does the Optimax laser eye surgery place look like? I think I'm expecting a standard doctor's surgery but I'm greeted by a room filled with comfortable-looking chairs, with a few doors and corridors off it and a long reception desk.
Immediately the receptionist has me over at a little computer in the corner of the room filling out a health questionnaire - am I on any medication, do I have any allergies and then I scan through options and tick boxes that apply to me. These are things like do I have a family history of glaucoma, have I ever had a heart attack, am I epileptic, etc. etc. A few of them I tick yes to: yes I have hayfever, yes I am due to have surgery soon (having a mole removed). Worryingly it says at the top of the list that any ticks might mean I'm unable to have the surgery.
Once I've finished I go and tell the receptionist and she then leads me off to have some tests done. I sit at three machines in turn and have to stare straight ahead and try not to blink. It's quite hard not blinking when all you can think about is not blinking. Mostly I tried to blink a bit before what I thought was the crucial time - but two of the tests she needed to repeat quickly so I was probably rubbish at predicting when the crucial time was! One of the tests was also one I'd read about where a puff of air is blown into your eye. Even though I knew it was coming it still made me jump the first time.
After that the show really started. I guess the time now is about:
5.30
The doctor comes out and calls me in. He's short, not of English origin and wearing a suit. I couldn't tell exactly where he was from, not that it matters of course. I enter the room.
First impression is that he's a typical, professional, no-nonsense doctor. On the one hand you could say he is abrubt, with poor beside manner I suppose. But on the other - and this is my experience with most doctors - he's just doing his job and he isn't there to hold my hand or make me feel at ease. He's not a salesman. If he were, if he was sitting me down asking how I am and am I ready to change the way I view the world and make my life ten times better?... I'd be running out the door right now.
He does some standard tests you get with glasses or contacts - looking at my eye, my prescription etc. He asks if I brought an old prescription along and I give him my old glasses which he goes off to measure to get the prescription.
When he comes back he puts drops to numb my eyes and then uses this instrument to measure the depth of my cornea. To do this he puts something against my eyeball for a few seconds. It's weird to have a numb eye - my eyelid feels kind of bouncy when it closes. Then he puts yellow dye in my eyes to have a look at their health through the microscope.
Next we go through my health form and I discover that my hayfever is not a problem, my upcoming surgery won't make a difference. Then he tells me that from his tests he can tell me that I am a candidate for either epi-LASEK or LASIK laser eye surgery. He asks if I know the difference between the two and I nod and say that it's basically the start of the procedure flap cutting with one, alcohol solution removal with the other. He nods as if he can tell I'm 'one of those ones that does their research' and asks which I prefer.
I say that epi-LASEK appeals more because of the lower risk factor. He then tells me that it is a surgery and as such can never be 100% guaranteed or safe. In my prescription case he tells me that there is a 95% chance I should have 20/20 vision. He informs me that when I reach 45 or so, I will need glasses for short distance again, as do the majority of people who have good eyesight for most of their lives.
I ask him about night vision problems. He tells me that my pupils are actually on the smaller size of normal so this is unlikely to be a problem for me. I say that while 20/20 vision is important, I also do not want to lose any contrast sensitivity. I ask if Wavefront would lessen the chances of this. He tells me that if this is not a problem now, it is unlikely to be a problem after surgery, and because the shape of my eye is pretty much average Wavefront is unlikely to make much difference to me. I ask about how long before I'm comfortable at a computer and he tells me it will depend on my personal recovery - most people can be fine after about a week to ten days but others can be more.
Mostly I get the impression from him that it's impossible to predict exact times. Every case is different in the pain threshold / speed of recovery etc.
After this we get to the fun part - where I get the pupil enlarging drops in my eyes. He tells me this is so he can view inside my eye. It feels fine for a few minutes but once he turns the lights back on after looking through the microscope at me I realise my close vision is a little blurred. Lights have also started to be a little bright.
He asks if I have any more questions and as we've covered all the ones I could think of I say no. And that's it, I'm done and dusted. The receptionist asks if I'd like to make a booking, I ask her to write a few available dates down at the end of May / early June as I need to check with work for booking a week off that will be followed by a few quiet days.
It's about 6.20 at this point and I walk back to the car with my boyfriend. The lights are hurting my eyes and my long distance and very close vision is blurry so there's no way I'd be able to drive. I start to wonder how weird it would be actually having surgery. I decide I have to give myself a few days to let everything sink in before I make a decision.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Laser eye surgery - pre consultation jitters
My consultation for laser eye surgery at Optimax is next Monday. I'm both excited and nervous. I'm hoping by then I'll have a much clearer idea of whether I'd like LASIK or epi-LASEK surgery. Realistically, I probably won't know until I've chatted with the consultant and then thought it all through.
When I booked the consultation I received a letter which advised me not to wear contacts for up to 2 weeks before the consulation. But I haven't worn my contact lenses for ages now, actually I think the last time was Christmas, mainly because they're just uncomfortable. One of my eyes is astigmatic (rugby ball shaped) so I have to have a weighted contact in that eye to keep it in the right place, except it still moves and I have to blink to get it back.
Also with the documentation was a risk form - part of the contract you have to sign when you undergo treatment with Optimax. It outlines all the possible risks and side effects and you have to initial each item to show that you have read and understood. It's quite a daunting list but it's standard legal stuff. Just imagine if you had to sign a contract before you were born and you had a list of all the horrid things that could happen to you in life - injury, financial struggles, heartache etc. etc. It's not often you have all the risks of your decision laid out in front of you like that, and of course they don't mention the benefits, because that makes it look like they're trying to give it a positive spin.
But I'm not too concerned. The idea of facing freedom from all that blinking and dry eyes in contacts is like a dangling carrot. And glasses can be a pain too: endless lens cleaning, slipping in hot weather, freezing metal on your face in cold weather, eyelashes brushing on the lens. Yes it would be great to be free of these things. People who don't rely on glasses have no concept of what it's like. I feel like a completely different person when I wear contacts, I'm sometimes amazed that people recognise me - not because I look different but because when you wear glasses it can feel like you're hiding behind them.
Here is my updated list of questions for the consultant:
- Which would I personally be most suited for - epi lasek or LASIK surgery?
- What is the success rate for my prescription on either surgery (my prescription is -2 sphere and -2 cylinder in my right, -4 sphere in my left)
- How long does pain last on average?
- How will I control the pain?
- How long before my vision would be at driving standard?
- How long before I'll be able to use a computer comfortably?
- How long should I take off work (will probably be determined by the answer to the previous question)
- What happens if my vision is not improved, or is improved but still needing glasses?
- What about hayfever, will sneezing or itching eyes be a problem - will I be able to take Clarityn as I have done for about the last 5 years?
When I booked the consultation I received a letter which advised me not to wear contacts for up to 2 weeks before the consulation. But I haven't worn my contact lenses for ages now, actually I think the last time was Christmas, mainly because they're just uncomfortable. One of my eyes is astigmatic (rugby ball shaped) so I have to have a weighted contact in that eye to keep it in the right place, except it still moves and I have to blink to get it back.
Also with the documentation was a risk form - part of the contract you have to sign when you undergo treatment with Optimax. It outlines all the possible risks and side effects and you have to initial each item to show that you have read and understood. It's quite a daunting list but it's standard legal stuff. Just imagine if you had to sign a contract before you were born and you had a list of all the horrid things that could happen to you in life - injury, financial struggles, heartache etc. etc. It's not often you have all the risks of your decision laid out in front of you like that, and of course they don't mention the benefits, because that makes it look like they're trying to give it a positive spin.
But I'm not too concerned. The idea of facing freedom from all that blinking and dry eyes in contacts is like a dangling carrot. And glasses can be a pain too: endless lens cleaning, slipping in hot weather, freezing metal on your face in cold weather, eyelashes brushing on the lens. Yes it would be great to be free of these things. People who don't rely on glasses have no concept of what it's like. I feel like a completely different person when I wear contacts, I'm sometimes amazed that people recognise me - not because I look different but because when you wear glasses it can feel like you're hiding behind them.
Here is my updated list of questions for the consultant:
- Which would I personally be most suited for - epi lasek or LASIK surgery?
- What is the success rate for my prescription on either surgery (my prescription is -2 sphere and -2 cylinder in my right, -4 sphere in my left)
- How long does pain last on average?
- How will I control the pain?
- How long before my vision would be at driving standard?
- How long before I'll be able to use a computer comfortably?
- How long should I take off work (will probably be determined by the answer to the previous question)
- What happens if my vision is not improved, or is improved but still needing glasses?
- What about hayfever, will sneezing or itching eyes be a problem - will I be able to take Clarityn as I have done for about the last 5 years?
Monday, April 10, 2006
LASIK or epi-LASEK laser eye surgery?
Having booked my consultation I'm now finding myself thinking more and more about laser eye surgery. From a hazy 'oh yes, that would be good' to now really concentrating on the risks and benefits, the pain, the recovery time, the after care treatment, the chance of success... and all those other things that start your head swimming if you don't organise your thinking.
My main question at the moment is whether I prefer the idea of LASIK or epi-LASEK laser eye surgery. Here are the basics of the two as I understand them:
--------------------------------------LASIK----------------------------
Anaesthetic is dropped into your eyes to prevent any pain. You will then have a layer of your cornea surgically cut and 'flapped over'. The laser reshapes your cornea beneath and then your 'flap' is placed back onto your eye. It will stay in place by natural suction but you will need to wear a protective eye shield for around 24 hours to prevent yourself from rubbing your eyes and disturbing the flap as it settles back.
Pain: Less than epi-LASEK laser eye surgery as the flap of cornea is put back right where it was before. Pain is usually said to come on a few hours after surgery and last for around 24 hours. Most things I've read have likened the 'pain' to just a level of discomfort - like having grit in the eye or an uncomfortable contact lens.
Recovery time (when can I go back to work?): I've read that people can often go to work the next day after LASIK laser eye surgery! Realistically I think I could have the surgery on a Thursday or Friday, have the weekend off and then be fit for work on the Monday - obviously so long as all goes well. Clear vision is usually within 2-3 days.
Risks: Because there is a physical cut made into your cornea there are much more risks with this form of laser eye surgery. Besides the potential for surgical mishap (who doesn't shiver at the idea of someone cutting into their eye?) there is also issues about the flap growing back not exactly as it was before. The cornea is also thought to be weaker following the surgery and it's not recommended for anyone likely to encounter physical contact - sportsmen / police officers etc.
Next after care appointment: You go back the day after your surgery to check all is well.
My concerns: Potential for dry eye and concerns about working with VDU's.
---------------------------------------Epi-LASEK--------------------
After anaesthetic drops are put in your eyes, an alcohol solution is put into your eye to weaken the cells so that a layer of your cells (epithelium) can be moved aside. The laser reshapes your cornea and then the cells which were moved are replaced. You wear 'bandage lenses' non stop for 3 days to keep your epithelium in place.
Pain: Little is felt for the first 24 hours thanks to the anaesthetic drops, but then it comes on a lot stronger for around 3 days. I have yet to read what people compare the level of pain to - but then we all have different pain thresholds so it wouldn't be a great guide anyway.
Recovery time (when can I go back to work?): I would need to take at least a full week off and possibly would only just be able to drive again after 7 days following epi-LASEK laser eye surgery.
Risks: Much less than LASIK laser eye surgery because there is no cutting made, but the risks of the laser and vision - overtreatment, undertreatment, halos etc are all still there.
Next after care appointment: You go back after 3 days to have your 'bandage lenses' removed and to check all is going well.
My concerns: Length of time for recovery - will I be fit to drive after a week?
Pain - how much and how controllable will it be?
Links:
Royal College of Opthamologists - Patients Guide to Excimer Laser Refractive Surgery [PDF download]
www.optimax.co.uk
My main question at the moment is whether I prefer the idea of LASIK or epi-LASEK laser eye surgery. Here are the basics of the two as I understand them:
--------------------------------------LASIK----------------------------
Anaesthetic is dropped into your eyes to prevent any pain. You will then have a layer of your cornea surgically cut and 'flapped over'. The laser reshapes your cornea beneath and then your 'flap' is placed back onto your eye. It will stay in place by natural suction but you will need to wear a protective eye shield for around 24 hours to prevent yourself from rubbing your eyes and disturbing the flap as it settles back.
Pain: Less than epi-LASEK laser eye surgery as the flap of cornea is put back right where it was before. Pain is usually said to come on a few hours after surgery and last for around 24 hours. Most things I've read have likened the 'pain' to just a level of discomfort - like having grit in the eye or an uncomfortable contact lens.
Recovery time (when can I go back to work?): I've read that people can often go to work the next day after LASIK laser eye surgery! Realistically I think I could have the surgery on a Thursday or Friday, have the weekend off and then be fit for work on the Monday - obviously so long as all goes well. Clear vision is usually within 2-3 days.
Risks: Because there is a physical cut made into your cornea there are much more risks with this form of laser eye surgery. Besides the potential for surgical mishap (who doesn't shiver at the idea of someone cutting into their eye?) there is also issues about the flap growing back not exactly as it was before. The cornea is also thought to be weaker following the surgery and it's not recommended for anyone likely to encounter physical contact - sportsmen / police officers etc.
Next after care appointment: You go back the day after your surgery to check all is well.
My concerns: Potential for dry eye and concerns about working with VDU's.
---------------------------------------Epi-LASEK--------------------
After anaesthetic drops are put in your eyes, an alcohol solution is put into your eye to weaken the cells so that a layer of your cells (epithelium) can be moved aside. The laser reshapes your cornea and then the cells which were moved are replaced. You wear 'bandage lenses' non stop for 3 days to keep your epithelium in place.
Pain: Little is felt for the first 24 hours thanks to the anaesthetic drops, but then it comes on a lot stronger for around 3 days. I have yet to read what people compare the level of pain to - but then we all have different pain thresholds so it wouldn't be a great guide anyway.
Recovery time (when can I go back to work?): I would need to take at least a full week off and possibly would only just be able to drive again after 7 days following epi-LASEK laser eye surgery.
Risks: Much less than LASIK laser eye surgery because there is no cutting made, but the risks of the laser and vision - overtreatment, undertreatment, halos etc are all still there.
Next after care appointment: You go back after 3 days to have your 'bandage lenses' removed and to check all is going well.
My concerns: Length of time for recovery - will I be fit to drive after a week?
Pain - how much and how controllable will it be?
Links:
Royal College of Opthamologists - Patients Guide to Excimer Laser Refractive Surgery [PDF download]
www.optimax.co.uk
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Blooker Prize Awards 2006
I only just heard about these by reading about them on the BBC news site.
For anyone even less clued up than me (if that's at all possible?) a 'Blook' is a book based on a blog or website. I knew that many bloggers somehow manage to get book deals based on their blogs, but didn't realise just how big this thing is getting. Can you hear my mind clicking away as all this information is processed?
The winner, Julia Powell, spent a year cooking from some French cookbook, because I'm such a good person and I like to share the information I find out, I will even give you a link to her blog here.
The official website for the Blooker Prize is http://www.lulublookerprize.com/.
For anyone even less clued up than me (if that's at all possible?) a 'Blook' is a book based on a blog or website. I knew that many bloggers somehow manage to get book deals based on their blogs, but didn't realise just how big this thing is getting. Can you hear my mind clicking away as all this information is processed?
The winner, Julia Powell, spent a year cooking from some French cookbook, because I'm such a good person and I like to share the information I find out, I will even give you a link to her blog here.
The official website for the Blooker Prize is http://www.lulublookerprize.com/.
Monday, April 03, 2006
I've booked my laser eye consultation!
I'm going to my local Optimax branch - which is Ipswich - on the 24th April. It's only a consultation but I'm already excited. Oh but what if it turns out I'm not suitable for treatment because my cornea's are too thin / thick or, I don't know, they find out I have some rare genetic thing which means I'm destined to wear glasses for the rest of my life? That would be awful. Fingers crossed I'm an 'elligible candidate'.
It could have been as soon as this Wednesday, but as the consultant advised me I wouldn't be able to drive home afterwards because of the solution they put in my eyes I need my boyfriend to come with me. He also wants to be there to be sure I'm not going to just get all excited at the prospect of not wearing glasses or contacts, and be blind to any general dodginess of the place. Yes that was intentional use of the word blind. No I am not thinking about going blind.
Tell someone you're thinking of having laser eye surgery and what's the first thing they say? "Oh I couldn't do that, I'd be scared of going blind!" Do you know anything about laser eye surgery and the chances of blindness? "No, but going blind, that's a scary thought?" So is getting run over by a bus but it doesn't stop me crossing roads. You get the idea.
The consultant asked me if I wanted to book my surgery for the same day, but I opted out because if I have epi lasek I believe I'll need to book a week off work to allow for my eyes to be of driving and computer work standard.
Questions I will be asking the Optimax consultant:
- Which would I personally be most suited for - epi lasek or LASIK surgery?
- The success rate for my prescription on either surgery (my prescription is -2 sphere and -2 cylinder in my right, -4 sphere in my left)
- The recovery rate
- The length of time before driving
- The length of time before vdu work (I have read that near vision can take longer to recover, particularly with epi lasek treatment)
- The risks of complication (yes, that does include blindness)
And others which I have yet to think of but will post on this blog later....
It could have been as soon as this Wednesday, but as the consultant advised me I wouldn't be able to drive home afterwards because of the solution they put in my eyes I need my boyfriend to come with me. He also wants to be there to be sure I'm not going to just get all excited at the prospect of not wearing glasses or contacts, and be blind to any general dodginess of the place. Yes that was intentional use of the word blind. No I am not thinking about going blind.
Tell someone you're thinking of having laser eye surgery and what's the first thing they say? "Oh I couldn't do that, I'd be scared of going blind!" Do you know anything about laser eye surgery and the chances of blindness? "No, but going blind, that's a scary thought?" So is getting run over by a bus but it doesn't stop me crossing roads. You get the idea.
The consultant asked me if I wanted to book my surgery for the same day, but I opted out because if I have epi lasek I believe I'll need to book a week off work to allow for my eyes to be of driving and computer work standard.
Questions I will be asking the Optimax consultant:
- Which would I personally be most suited for - epi lasek or LASIK surgery?
- The success rate for my prescription on either surgery (my prescription is -2 sphere and -2 cylinder in my right, -4 sphere in my left)
- The recovery rate
- The length of time before driving
- The length of time before vdu work (I have read that near vision can take longer to recover, particularly with epi lasek treatment)
- The risks of complication (yes, that does include blindness)
And others which I have yet to think of but will post on this blog later....
Thursday, March 30, 2006
It looked like a runway...
A pilot flying a passenger plane from Liverpool to Ireland's Londonderry airport landed on a nearby military runway instead of the airport one. The passengers had to take a bus to complete their journey.
Apparently the skies were empty so the pilot had no need to refer to his equipment and just used his eyes instead. Which is quite scarey if you ask me. I know when I look out of a plane I think I see runway and it's actually a motorway. Perhaps that's why I'm not a pilot.
Me thinks the pilot is going to regret that one, even if they allow him to pilot a plane again he's never going to live it down from his colleagues. "And where will be landing today exactly?"
Read the article on the bbc: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/4859716.stm
Apparently the skies were empty so the pilot had no need to refer to his equipment and just used his eyes instead. Which is quite scarey if you ask me. I know when I look out of a plane I think I see runway and it's actually a motorway. Perhaps that's why I'm not a pilot.
Me thinks the pilot is going to regret that one, even if they allow him to pilot a plane again he's never going to live it down from his colleagues. "And where will be landing today exactly?"
Read the article on the bbc: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/4859716.stm
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Can't believe it's almost April
That means we're fast approaching being a third of the way through 2006. Already. Blimey. What have I done so far?
Novel: written 20,000 words (all in January - tut tut)
Weight: lost 6 pounds - February. Since then have been up, down and round the houses but always ended up back at only 6 pounds lost.
House: Getting garden sorted soon - patio, shed and bit of lawn. Then my fingers will become green because I want to get planting and start it being an 'established' garden - at least until puppy comes to make amendments!
Puppy: Plan is to get house / finances sorted and I am hoping that my gorgeous boyfriend will let us get one by about September. That way we can take a week or two off work and make our new family member welcome.
Work: My job is going well. I really like the guys I work with and hope I can grow with the company. Ultimately of course, I do want to be a novel writer but until I can pull my finger out and get on with that, this is a decent, challenging, alternative.
Novel: written 20,000 words (all in January - tut tut)
Weight: lost 6 pounds - February. Since then have been up, down and round the houses but always ended up back at only 6 pounds lost.
House: Getting garden sorted soon - patio, shed and bit of lawn. Then my fingers will become green because I want to get planting and start it being an 'established' garden - at least until puppy comes to make amendments!
Puppy: Plan is to get house / finances sorted and I am hoping that my gorgeous boyfriend will let us get one by about September. That way we can take a week or two off work and make our new family member welcome.
Work: My job is going well. I really like the guys I work with and hope I can grow with the company. Ultimately of course, I do want to be a novel writer but until I can pull my finger out and get on with that, this is a decent, challenging, alternative.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Modern impatience
Is it just me or do people not make such an effort to stop when a traffic light turns red anymore?
I'm guilty of it myself at times, but only when the light is still on amber, never on red.
This morning the lights at a junction changed as I got near them. The car in front of me had loads of time, I had just enough time, but the car behind me that was a little way back should have stopped, but guess what, he didn't. I seem to be seeing it more and more recently.
I believe modern society makes us impatient. That's a bit thoughtful for a Friday afternoon isn't it? But it makes sense, at least to me.
I suffer from that disease where you have to keep opening up your email account to see if you've had a reply to an email yet. My frequency is every 20 minutes. It's becoming like blinking, I just do it automatically. My work email account does this for me, which is probably a good idea seeing as I'm not sure I'd get any work done if I was checking for emails all the time, but while at work I have to go to an external website to see my private emails.
I can't stand waiting in a queue either. I know I'm British and it's meant to come naturally but honestly it doesn't. Perhaps it's my Viking ancestry - I just want to grab whatever I want when I want it.
And what about when you're walking purposefully along a pavement and you get stuck behind someone who's dithering? Arrgghhh how annoying is that?
Perhaps I should think about anger management? I'll be calmer when I have a puppy.
I'm guilty of it myself at times, but only when the light is still on amber, never on red.
This morning the lights at a junction changed as I got near them. The car in front of me had loads of time, I had just enough time, but the car behind me that was a little way back should have stopped, but guess what, he didn't. I seem to be seeing it more and more recently.
I believe modern society makes us impatient. That's a bit thoughtful for a Friday afternoon isn't it? But it makes sense, at least to me.
I suffer from that disease where you have to keep opening up your email account to see if you've had a reply to an email yet. My frequency is every 20 minutes. It's becoming like blinking, I just do it automatically. My work email account does this for me, which is probably a good idea seeing as I'm not sure I'd get any work done if I was checking for emails all the time, but while at work I have to go to an external website to see my private emails.
I can't stand waiting in a queue either. I know I'm British and it's meant to come naturally but honestly it doesn't. Perhaps it's my Viking ancestry - I just want to grab whatever I want when I want it.
And what about when you're walking purposefully along a pavement and you get stuck behind someone who's dithering? Arrgghhh how annoying is that?
Perhaps I should think about anger management? I'll be calmer when I have a puppy.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Laser Eye Surgery
I am going to have it done soon. No appointments booked as yet, but watch this space.
I've worn glasses since the age of 14, and have never really got used to them. From the age of 17-19 I wore contact lenses most of the time but recently I hardly wear them (I'm 25 by the way) and when I do I can only tolerate them for a few hours because my eyes feel really dry. I also do this strange twitch thing because one of my eyes is astigmatic (rugby-ball shaped as opposed to regular round) and that means the contact lens on that eye is weighted so it isn't meant to move - but it does - so I twitch to get it back into place. It's something I'm very conscious of and has put me right off wearing contacts.
One of my friends had epi-lasek treatment last year and from talking to him I would definitely like to go ahead with it. My boyfriend was originally against the idea "I don't want you going blind! / Is losing your eyesight really worth it just to get out of wearing glasses?" But now we know someone who's had it done he's a lot happier about the idea. Fear of the unknown and all that.
It is pretty expensive. But there are bargains to be found, such as Optimax listing their service on ebay which is the way I plan to go.
I've worn glasses since the age of 14, and have never really got used to them. From the age of 17-19 I wore contact lenses most of the time but recently I hardly wear them (I'm 25 by the way) and when I do I can only tolerate them for a few hours because my eyes feel really dry. I also do this strange twitch thing because one of my eyes is astigmatic (rugby-ball shaped as opposed to regular round) and that means the contact lens on that eye is weighted so it isn't meant to move - but it does - so I twitch to get it back into place. It's something I'm very conscious of and has put me right off wearing contacts.
One of my friends had epi-lasek treatment last year and from talking to him I would definitely like to go ahead with it. My boyfriend was originally against the idea "I don't want you going blind! / Is losing your eyesight really worth it just to get out of wearing glasses?" But now we know someone who's had it done he's a lot happier about the idea. Fear of the unknown and all that.
It is pretty expensive. But there are bargains to be found, such as Optimax listing their service on ebay which is the way I plan to go.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Puppy
I want one. But I work full-time a half hour drive from my home, so does my boyfriend (his drive is in the other direction so no we couldn't move closer and solve the problem).
I grew up with dogs and I know it's not all about cute puppies - they are seriously hard work especially for the first 2/3 years - but I can't explain how lost I feel without a dog. Especially as it's not even a possibility until our circumstances change.
Yes I could get one, and leave if for 6 hours a day. Maybe I could ask my neighbour to let it out for the toilet a few times a day or a walk if they take theirs out, but what kind of a life would that be for it? See I'm trying to talk to myself calmly and flatter myself for being such a good person for not letting myself get a dog if I can't give it a good life, but you know there are plenty of people who have one who work full time.
Do you know the thought that is in the back of my mind whenever I think about having a dog, I think well, if you were to write that novel and maybe get some money out of it, you might be able to stay at home and housetrain a pup. It's a crazy motivation for writing a novel, but you know crazy often works. I've done almost 500 words today.
I grew up with dogs and I know it's not all about cute puppies - they are seriously hard work especially for the first 2/3 years - but I can't explain how lost I feel without a dog. Especially as it's not even a possibility until our circumstances change.
Yes I could get one, and leave if for 6 hours a day. Maybe I could ask my neighbour to let it out for the toilet a few times a day or a walk if they take theirs out, but what kind of a life would that be for it? See I'm trying to talk to myself calmly and flatter myself for being such a good person for not letting myself get a dog if I can't give it a good life, but you know there are plenty of people who have one who work full time.
Do you know the thought that is in the back of my mind whenever I think about having a dog, I think well, if you were to write that novel and maybe get some money out of it, you might be able to stay at home and housetrain a pup. It's a crazy motivation for writing a novel, but you know crazy often works. I've done almost 500 words today.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
The Sims 2
You know I said I shouldn't allow myself to buy the new expansion pack for The Sims 2? Well I was right. I shouldn't have done. Unfortunately though I did. I ordered it from Play.com and it arrived on the day of release - Friday 3rd March. I've played it every day since, and just about all day Sunday. Novel? What novel?
The only plus side is that I get so distracted I don't snack between meals. If it weren't for my lovely boyfriend though I wouldn't be eating meals at all!
The only plus side is that I get so distracted I don't snack between meals. If it weren't for my lovely boyfriend though I wouldn't be eating meals at all!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Instant weight loss...
...Does not exist, I know that. Oh how I wish it did. But there's that old cliche "You didn't put the weight on overnight, so you can't expect to lose it overnight!"
- Maybe not but you know I had fun putting that weight on. I ate chocolate and doughnuts and ice-cream and cookies.
Ah, but didn't I eat a cookie the other night? Yes. Am I going to lose weight again this week? Yes. So you can have your cookie and lose weight? Err....yes, but you know it helps if it's Weight Watcher cookies you're eating.
For lunch today I had my age-old mid-menstrual cycle craving for grated cheddar on a baguette with salt & vinegar crisps. Honestly, smack bang mid cycle up it pops at least every other month. But what does that lunch spell to you? FAT FAT FAT.
So how to cope? I went to Sainsbury's and bought a small baguette (about 8 inches), some low fat grated cheese and a packet of walkers salt & vinegar. When I returned to the office I cut off half of the baguette including the 2 ends, and using about a handful of the cheese I made my 3 inch baguette roll. Then I pointed it all. It came to 8 points.
A lot for a lunch yes, but for dinner I am having pasta and a low point tomato based sauce which is only around 5 points.
I almost can't believe I actually cut the baguette up and threw it away. Yes I'm sure there are people out there who would think me stupid to eat a baguette when I'm trying to lose weight, but I know me, and I know how this is the actions of a changing woman!
You can eat whatever you like, just lower your portion sizes.
- Maybe not but you know I had fun putting that weight on. I ate chocolate and doughnuts and ice-cream and cookies.
Ah, but didn't I eat a cookie the other night? Yes. Am I going to lose weight again this week? Yes. So you can have your cookie and lose weight? Err....yes, but you know it helps if it's Weight Watcher cookies you're eating.
For lunch today I had my age-old mid-menstrual cycle craving for grated cheddar on a baguette with salt & vinegar crisps. Honestly, smack bang mid cycle up it pops at least every other month. But what does that lunch spell to you? FAT FAT FAT.
So how to cope? I went to Sainsbury's and bought a small baguette (about 8 inches), some low fat grated cheese and a packet of walkers salt & vinegar. When I returned to the office I cut off half of the baguette including the 2 ends, and using about a handful of the cheese I made my 3 inch baguette roll. Then I pointed it all. It came to 8 points.
A lot for a lunch yes, but for dinner I am having pasta and a low point tomato based sauce which is only around 5 points.
I almost can't believe I actually cut the baguette up and threw it away. Yes I'm sure there are people out there who would think me stupid to eat a baguette when I'm trying to lose weight, but I know me, and I know how this is the actions of a changing woman!
You can eat whatever you like, just lower your portion sizes.
Friday, February 17, 2006
On the right path
I went to ask restaurant on Wednesday night with my boyfriend.
I spent a good few minutes looking at the menu wondering whether to have a starter and a main or a main and a dessert. A low fat starter such as olives, followed by a healthy tomato based pasta seemed like the best idea. But they do a lovely Del Figone pizza with Gorgonzola and I was really tempted to have that. I'd estimate that to be around 12 Weight Watcher points, so where did that leave me for dessert? Up chocolate creek without a spoon, that's where.
So what did I do? I skipped starter and had the pizza. Then my boyfriend had a chocolate cake, and I had...nothing. Yes you heard it first: the fat girl chose being slim over a cheesecake!
I felt very saintly but you know the annoying thing about wanting to lose about 3 stones is that it's a long and slow process. Even after skipping a cheesecake on a night out I did not wake up the next morning 3 stone lighter, even though I think it would be perfectly fair.
I'm sad to say that despite my sneaky weigh-ins all week I am still the same as on Monday. I've just got to lose at least 1 lb this week.
I spent a good few minutes looking at the menu wondering whether to have a starter and a main or a main and a dessert. A low fat starter such as olives, followed by a healthy tomato based pasta seemed like the best idea. But they do a lovely Del Figone pizza with Gorgonzola and I was really tempted to have that. I'd estimate that to be around 12 Weight Watcher points, so where did that leave me for dessert? Up chocolate creek without a spoon, that's where.
So what did I do? I skipped starter and had the pizza. Then my boyfriend had a chocolate cake, and I had...nothing. Yes you heard it first: the fat girl chose being slim over a cheesecake!
I felt very saintly but you know the annoying thing about wanting to lose about 3 stones is that it's a long and slow process. Even after skipping a cheesecake on a night out I did not wake up the next morning 3 stone lighter, even though I think it would be perfectly fair.
I'm sad to say that despite my sneaky weigh-ins all week I am still the same as on Monday. I've just got to lose at least 1 lb this week.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Being female...
...can be a pain in the belly.
Make me happy today and I might burst into tears. Make me angry today and I might burst into tears; then I'll hit you around the head with whatever comes to hand first.
There are days when I need to stay at home and shut the world out. I won't deny it, going to work is more of a necessity than a pleasure for me. If I didn't have to put food on the table or moisturiser on my face (yes, that's a necessity) I'd be at home writing full time, or watching Fern and Phillip - or whoever they have on nowadays - on This Morning, yeah that might be closer to the truth but anyway you get the point. Home is where my heart is.
Ask my boyfriend and he'll tell you this is part of my normal monthly routine. There are the days when I loathe having to leave the house to go to work, or even leaving the house altogether. Then there are days when I can't stand sitting in front of the telly for more than two minutes:
me: Why can't we do something instead of sitting in front of the TV like zombies?
him: You said you wanted to watch this yesterday.
me: We need to do something with our lives. We stay in far too much. Let's go out.
him: (staying silent, it's the sensible option).
me: I'm going to write my novel.
If you're male and you think women are a foreign entity, you should try being female. It's an experience to say the least. When you're a woman, you just never know what mood you're going to be in when you wake up each morning.
Make me happy today and I might burst into tears. Make me angry today and I might burst into tears; then I'll hit you around the head with whatever comes to hand first.
There are days when I need to stay at home and shut the world out. I won't deny it, going to work is more of a necessity than a pleasure for me. If I didn't have to put food on the table or moisturiser on my face (yes, that's a necessity) I'd be at home writing full time, or watching Fern and Phillip - or whoever they have on nowadays - on This Morning, yeah that might be closer to the truth but anyway you get the point. Home is where my heart is.
Ask my boyfriend and he'll tell you this is part of my normal monthly routine. There are the days when I loathe having to leave the house to go to work, or even leaving the house altogether. Then there are days when I can't stand sitting in front of the telly for more than two minutes:
me: Why can't we do something instead of sitting in front of the TV like zombies?
him: You said you wanted to watch this yesterday.
me: We need to do something with our lives. We stay in far too much. Let's go out.
him: (staying silent, it's the sensible option).
me: I'm going to write my novel.
If you're male and you think women are a foreign entity, you should try being female. It's an experience to say the least. When you're a woman, you just never know what mood you're going to be in when you wake up each morning.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Addicted to isketch.net
It's an online pictionary and I only discovered it recently. I was browsing online games sites on my lunch hour and got hooked. Incidentally this was about the time that I wrote my last few words of my 20,000 for January. Yes, the two are connected.
I need to stop playing it, or I'm never going to get the novel done. I can't let myself buy the new Sims 2 expansion pack when it comes out either. Why? Oh because besides the end to my novel and occasional exercise dreams, it would also mark the end of sleeping as I know it. I do think that if the Sims had never been released I would have written a novel by now. I certainly would have achieved higher than a 2.1 result at University. I am aware that blaming a computer game is a convenient way of denying how plain lazy I am. But it makes me feel better, so there.
So I met up with some ex-colleagues last night. It was a good evening, and I was being saintly to begin with. I ordered a salad and was avoiding the dressing. But then when it came to desserts one of the girls really wanted one, but the rest of us didn't. When she realised this she said, "Oh no, I can't be the only one, I won't have one." So of course I HAD to have one then didn't I? I would have felt guilty because her eyes had really lit up when she saw the dessert menu. I made the two others have a bite too.
I'm being extra good today to make up for it. Now I know having a fattening chocolate brownie dessert is not the answer if I want to lose weight, but initially I had decided not to and I felt confident that I didn't need to have one. Choosing to have one was an act of friendship.
Is anyone else noticing that I tend to blame other things / people for my failures?
I need to stop playing it, or I'm never going to get the novel done. I can't let myself buy the new Sims 2 expansion pack when it comes out either. Why? Oh because besides the end to my novel and occasional exercise dreams, it would also mark the end of sleeping as I know it. I do think that if the Sims had never been released I would have written a novel by now. I certainly would have achieved higher than a 2.1 result at University. I am aware that blaming a computer game is a convenient way of denying how plain lazy I am. But it makes me feel better, so there.
So I met up with some ex-colleagues last night. It was a good evening, and I was being saintly to begin with. I ordered a salad and was avoiding the dressing. But then when it came to desserts one of the girls really wanted one, but the rest of us didn't. When she realised this she said, "Oh no, I can't be the only one, I won't have one." So of course I HAD to have one then didn't I? I would have felt guilty because her eyes had really lit up when she saw the dessert menu. I made the two others have a bite too.
I'm being extra good today to make up for it. Now I know having a fattening chocolate brownie dessert is not the answer if I want to lose weight, but initially I had decided not to and I felt confident that I didn't need to have one. Choosing to have one was an act of friendship.
Is anyone else noticing that I tend to blame other things / people for my failures?
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
When is a diet not a diet?
I have read that I need to make a serious lifestyle change in order to lose weight and keep it off. So strictly speaking I am not on a diet I have just chosen a healthier lifestyle. I guess I'm just trying to get the right mindframe about all this. Positive thinking and motivation go hand in hand.
I know I shouldn't have, but this morning I couldn't resist hopping on the scales (no not literally, the truth is I only stepped onto them) but I did find that I've lost a pound, which was pleasing. Must not let myself do this again though because it's not the actual number of my weight I'm interested in, it's how I feel and how my clothes fit. There's nothing more depressing than feeling slimmer and then getting on the scales to see that you've lost a grand total of nothing.
I'm off for a meal tonight with some of the girls from my old workplace. We always have a giggle when we get together. I've been training my mind all day so that when I pick up the menu I will only notice the healthy options. If I don't even see that I could have a scrumptious sounding rich chocolate cake with chocolate sauce then there won't be a problem will there! Oh wouldn't that be cool if you really could train your mind like that? If you could block thoughts just like you can spam filter and block unwanted emails? When I'm at work I wouldn't let myself think about how great it would be to snuggled back in bed, and when I'm snuggling up in bed I won't let a single work thought into my head. Bliss!
Words written last night: 0
No I am not proud of this. Although I did read through my latest chapter yesterday trying to get back into it and I was actually impressed, there are problems with it and it will need a lot of reworking. But I can't let myself start editing. I really think the key to getting this done will be to get the first draft finished and then go back and rework.
Obviously with going out I won't get any words done tonight either. And as it's now the 8th Feb and I haven't done any of the 20,000 words for this month - I'm going to have to do 2,000 one day and then 1,000 every other day for the rest of the month. Way to go Emma!
I know I shouldn't have, but this morning I couldn't resist hopping on the scales (no not literally, the truth is I only stepped onto them) but I did find that I've lost a pound, which was pleasing. Must not let myself do this again though because it's not the actual number of my weight I'm interested in, it's how I feel and how my clothes fit. There's nothing more depressing than feeling slimmer and then getting on the scales to see that you've lost a grand total of nothing.
I'm off for a meal tonight with some of the girls from my old workplace. We always have a giggle when we get together. I've been training my mind all day so that when I pick up the menu I will only notice the healthy options. If I don't even see that I could have a scrumptious sounding rich chocolate cake with chocolate sauce then there won't be a problem will there! Oh wouldn't that be cool if you really could train your mind like that? If you could block thoughts just like you can spam filter and block unwanted emails? When I'm at work I wouldn't let myself think about how great it would be to snuggled back in bed, and when I'm snuggling up in bed I won't let a single work thought into my head. Bliss!
Words written last night: 0
No I am not proud of this. Although I did read through my latest chapter yesterday trying to get back into it and I was actually impressed, there are problems with it and it will need a lot of reworking. But I can't let myself start editing. I really think the key to getting this done will be to get the first draft finished and then go back and rework.
Obviously with going out I won't get any words done tonight either. And as it's now the 8th Feb and I haven't done any of the 20,000 words for this month - I'm going to have to do 2,000 one day and then 1,000 every other day for the rest of the month. Way to go Emma!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
My first posting
This is all new to me so I'm not sure exactly what to put. Obviously this blog is designed to be an ongoing thing, tracking my progress like a diary. Here's where I am right now:
Words: 20,000 (all in January). Weight: 14 st 1lb.
By the end of the year I need to be about here:
Words: 80-100,000. Weight: 11 st (maximum)
It's going to be a long journey but fingers crossed I can make it. No, scrap that, there's no fingers crossed mumbo jumbo about this any more. I WILL do it.
How? First step I am planning what I am going to eat every morning and sticking to it. I am going to get out of work at lunchtime and walk around the block, and I am also going to stop moaning about why I put on weight when I eat crap. The simple answer is surely to just stop eating crap isn't it? Then for the writing, that's much more sedentary, I just have to make sure I sit down and write between 500-4000 words a day. I'm aiming for 1000 a day but between work, socialising and exercise this might not always be achievable so my main aim is 20,000 words a month.
Weigh in will be every Monday morning. Words written should be a daily thing.
Words: 20,000 (all in January). Weight: 14 st 1lb.
By the end of the year I need to be about here:
Words: 80-100,000. Weight: 11 st (maximum)
It's going to be a long journey but fingers crossed I can make it. No, scrap that, there's no fingers crossed mumbo jumbo about this any more. I WILL do it.
How? First step I am planning what I am going to eat every morning and sticking to it. I am going to get out of work at lunchtime and walk around the block, and I am also going to stop moaning about why I put on weight when I eat crap. The simple answer is surely to just stop eating crap isn't it? Then for the writing, that's much more sedentary, I just have to make sure I sit down and write between 500-4000 words a day. I'm aiming for 1000 a day but between work, socialising and exercise this might not always be achievable so my main aim is 20,000 words a month.
Weigh in will be every Monday morning. Words written should be a daily thing.
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